I am sitting in the Dresner Family Clinic waiting room at Karmanos Cancer Center for my last doctor’s appointment before I register here for my long stay. I remember coming here for the first time, feeling like I didn't belong, partly because I was in denial that I really did need a bone marrow transplant. For years I felt like I was invincible of sorts and that if I just remained positive and kept on praying I would never be a transplant patient; but I am. I sit here now with my short hair, surrounded by other transplant patients. Some patients are very sick. Some have severe GVHD (graft versus host disease) and they are here because they are enduring complications that range from infections to low blood levels to other adversities that are a result of what I am about to go through, bone marrow transplantation. It scares me. It really scares me.
I wait, with my iPad (thank you Comcast Spotlight family!) and my headphones, listening to "Stand" by Rascal Flatts, which is my theme song. "You feel like a candle in a hurricane...when push comes to shove you taste what you're made of...you get mad, you strong...then you stand." I love this song. I know I might find myself bent, broken, tired, and mad, but if I continue to stand, I can continue to fight. If I give up, I have no chance, period.
I write because it helps me sort through the mess in my head. I write because it helps me discover who I really am inside when the days become filled with chaos and craziness. The fact that I have so many people out there reading this and cheering me on through messages, thoughts, prayers and more, helps me tremendously. I do not know what I would do without all of you; each and every person is important to me.
So back to the waiting room, what's taking so long?! Funny how I've waited ten years to sit here and I am now wondering what's taking so long for my very last office visit. That's okay. I will enjoy this last wait. Good things come to those who wait, so I will wait as long as it takes.