Today, Saturday, July 20, 2013 at 10:25 am I was born again.  I received my unrelated bone marrow transplant and my second chance at life.

Now, one would think that it would entail some kind of surgery or lengthy procedure, but it was quite the opposite.  The actual transplant was pretty, well, simple.  The cells arrived in an igloo cooler and were placed on the bed table in front of me.  I stared at the cooler thinking, this looks like a beer cooler, not a life saving stem cell cooler. I had my family, all wearing our Team Tara "Losing is NOT an Option" shirts, as well as Lynn, and my two aunts.  Dr. Lum came in with the nurses and read off the labels making sure these were, in fact, my stem cells.  Then he took the small pouch of stem cells and hung them from my IV pole.  The machine began to push the stem cells down the clear tube into my heart and the rest was history.  My rebirth took all of about 20 minutes.

I never thought that it would feel like something changing or happening inside my body, or for the procedure to be more that what it was, but it was one of the most important days of my life.  I have waited and dreamed of this day for over a decade.  And still the journey is just beginning.  Now I must wait for the stem cells to magically find their way to my bone marrow and begin my new blood cell factory.  I will then be able to produce healthy cells, FINALLY.  I can't even begin to imagine what having healthy cells is like; cells that will correctly do their job and allow me to live cancer-free.  It seems so far fetched after 10 years living my life in and out of the hospital.  It's as if the hospital and cancer has just become a part of my life.  I am excited to kick them out!

This has been a fight, especially as of the past few days post chemo.  I have never felt such fatigue, nausea, pain, and more.  It has truly been a test of my inner strength.  Yesterday, when it took me until almost 3pm to make it out of bed, determined to shower by myself, I was reminded how tough this whole process is.  It would be easy to just lie in bed and give up.  I didn't want to do that to myself; I have come to far to let this take just one day from me and the goals that I have set for myself.

So the next path of this journey is beginning, growth of new, healthy cells and the battle of GVHD.  I will not lose.  Losing is NOT an option, why?  Because I love living life, not just existing in it and that will make all the difference between victory and defeat.

Well, I now realize why my nurses wrote on my dry erase board "take a shower" as one of my goals since I started my stay-cation.  I laughed at first, since the thought of taking a shower seemed like less of a goal and more like a necessity, a routine task of sorts.  This morning, I woke up to the world's worst nausea from the intense chemotherapy I have been getting.  The slightest turn or movement of my head and body magnified the sickening feeling and all of a sudden getting out of bed and taking a shower seemed virtually impossible.

My illness didn't stop my visitors from coming to support me.  My first visitor came all of the way from Miami, FL, Ryan Nihls.  Nihls and I have known each other since freshman year of college.  We've shared our share of sick mornings, post our too many beers nights and early morning Cheez-It nachos; all were self-induced back in those days and we deserved every hung-over morning.  This morning was much different, as I wished so badly I felt better to be able to enjoy his visit and just be more like myself with him.  Instead, Nihls met the high dose, chemotherapy Tara whose immune system and white cell count has made its way down to 0.2.  That's pretty much a nonexistent immune system.  Still, he sat there with me, in my room and smiled that sincere, warm smile that only he has, to make me smile inside, even if my face showed differently.

My uncle, cousin, dad and mom, son, Liana, Kellie, Laura, Heather, Shannon, and Steve also came to show their love and support.  Two of which came bearing flowers, but were confiscated before reaching my room.  No live plants or flowers allowed in the BMT unit.  It was definitely the thought that counts, though. Thanks Li and Kellie for tracking down the forbidden flowers on your way out and sending a picture message so I could at least see the Gerber daisies.  They were just as beautiful in picture as I'm sure they were in person.

So showering did seem almost impossible, but what I have learned thus far through this life-changing journey, is the importance of taking one step at a time.  I knew at that moment, I couldn't move without getting sick, so I just laid there, feeling a bit sorry for myself and a tad defeated.  It made me angry that the simple task of taking a shower seemed virtually unattainable.  So as it was, I just stayed in bed, closed my eyes, and fell back asleep; it was all I could do.

A few hours later, visitors began to show up and after a while, I was able to move around and what do you know?  I was able to take a shower shortly after.  So what if the day had already made its way into the afternoon?  The point is that I did it.  I achieved my goal and, to boot, I made my way out into the hall to see that many of my "neighbors" had already completed their laps and recorded each lap on the community dry erase board and I had completed 0 laps.  Not for long, though.  Life is all about rising to the occasion and facing challenges, big or small, head on with determination and tenacity; that goes for cancer, too.

I love food. Picky as I may be, I love to eat and chemotherapy is disrupting my happy relationship with food. I used to love scrambled egg whites, now they can't even be in the same room as me. Many of the foods that I love are playing hard to get. Once I put them in my mouth, either they are rejected right on site or at a point a little later down the road. Not much has escaped the wrath of cancer and it's side effects. EVERYTHING has been affected on some level, including my eating habits.

I have to say I was in full company with friends and family that came to visit today. I had my Aunt Shelly come by in the morning, although, the nausea medications made me drowsy during her entire visit. At noon, Bob and Sam came by from work bearing lunch and presents and I LOVE presents! I got a coveted Official Red Wings Winter Classic hoodie and a Superman Under Armour tee. I am Superman, or at least I am trying to be. The coolest gift was a black hard cover book that housed a collection of pictures of friends and co-workers, some of whom I've never met before, holding positive messages on dry erase boards. This gift tops them all. Bob even wore a Michigan shirt and incorporated the team's motto into his message to me (Hail Tara), while my Director of Sales, Steve, made his debut in the book in what seems to be a Chip 'n Dale Runway show, no shirt on and strutting like a closer. I'm the closer, Steve!  Photoshop works wonders. In all serious though, seeing all of these people who took time out of their day to write messages to me, gather and send them off to get bound into a nice hardcover book, was truly an honor and I couldn't be more grateful to work for such a wonderful company.
I was also paid a visit by Gloria, Megan, Alice, Kristyn, Vicky, Taylor, R.J. and Megan. It was nice to spend the rest of the day and evening with people close to me and to share this journey with them. I still feel like I don't belong here, like I should be visiting someone else, but not here as a patient. Then when friends come and I struggle with the energy to perform minimal tasks, it occurs to me that I am sick. Or when I look up at my IV pole and see six bags of drugs and other liquids being pushed through the tube that leads to my heart, I think, here I am because cancer is killing me, but I am here for a cure.

Good thing is that my taste buds have spared the Motor City Brew Works pizza with chicken, Fontina cheese, and mushrooms on thin crust. Although I only had a small amount, it was quality not quantity that counted. Thank you R.J. for dinner. I also got my first mail delivery at Karmanos! Three cards and one had an iTunes card, thank you Aimee, and the other gift had a wooden, clutch cross to hold onto thanks to Joanne.
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Two more days until I receive my bone marrow transplant; two more days until my second chance at life and two more days until my second birthday. As I sign off tonight, with my bestie Megan sleeping next to me because she is just AWESOME like that, I thank God for yet another day to be present in the moment, no matter if its from room 10210.

Before my stay-cation here at Karmanos, Super Tuesday meant we launched the day off with our weekly sales meeting in the Grand River Conference Room.  This was followed by a whole lot of cold calls and a focus on selling turnkey advertising campaigns that had me in and out of appointments with current, future and potential clients.  These days were dedicated to high sales activity and I loved every minute of it. The main reason why, was because I was challenged and the day was susceptible to anything and everything going right or going all wrong. It meant staying on my toes and I had to keep one step ahead of the game at all times.

Fighting cancer is much like my job. I have a schedule of what should happen each day, what meds I will be given along with what chemo has been ordered. I even know what mouth-watering food tray that will be arriving three times a day; whether I choose to eat it or not remains in question. Just like my job, I also know that there are a handful of variables that can change the predicted course of action at any given moment. Clients or potential leads sometimes cancel, swap times, change their minds on where to meet for lunch, move the time out 'till after the weekend; the list goes on. Sometimes, my breakfast scrambled egg whites that arrive under the maroon dish cover, look semi-appetizing, sometimes they require a prescription in order to force them down. What I think might be a smooth sailing afternoon, might wind up in a nauseating mess. Sometimes the drugs that they have me on have other side effects that require additional meds to help alleviate the pain or uncomfortableness. Like I said, who knows what Super Tuesday madness might come up around here.

Today's Super Tuesday was a super one indeed. I woke up and hit my goal of walking 25 laps around the BMT unit and, in the process, I also met my neighbor, Steve, who is my main competition for most laps completed per day. He is here, just like me, wanting to hurry up the healing process and get out of here to see his kids. We both have lives that are far different from who we are here; or perhaps not so much different, but what defines us here is not what defines us outside this hospital. He has a wife, a family and a job that keeps him busy enough to not want to take time out for a Karamanos stay-cation. I too have a son, a job that I love and lots of friends that I'd rather see in the D at a Tiger's game versus on the 10th floor of the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit. But here we all are today; Steve and I, my dad, mom, sister, Sarah, Emma and Dave, all together to celebrate the friendships that we've made and hold onto those ties when the rest of the world seems to get a little shaky. Sarah even brought along Team Tara "Losing is not an option" shirts and Dave brought by some movies and radio freebies and giveaways. Who doesn't love a free tee?

And, last but not at all least, Jon came by with dinner from Slows To Go BBQ...mmm; amazing food and even more amazing the company. Both could not have come at a better time.
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Stay-cation, Day 4 down.

What is newsworthy?  Fatal car accidents, sports scores (very important!) or what about saving lives? Well, I think that they all deserve some kind of news coverage. People seek knowledge and yet some people are oblivious to the things that make a true difference in other peoples lives. SAVING LIVES IS NEWSORTHY.

I ran into Devin Sicilian, a local news personality on WDIV, Channel 4, at the Shinola Store ribbon cutting party. He knows of my story from years past and told me that he would follow up with me after the Shinola party. I was delighted to know that Devin held his end of the bargain. He did reach out to the station to cover my story in hopes that education can once again become a main focus to the masses, along with educating people that the process of donation is MUCH more simplified. It only takes a few large cotton swabs of the inside of your cheek and YOU'RE in! Then, to actually donate (should you be so lucky to have matched a patient out there), the donation process itself is like giving blood. The machines do the hard work and the donor is free to watch TV or just chill for a while and then go home. Life saved.

So back to today, after my morning laps around this place, I got the message that Channel 4 would be here at 11 am along with my doctor, Dr. Uberti, to film me, story, and the team here at Karmanos. I know that waiting for ten long years was torture enough for me and if I can help lessen that waiting period for other patients, then there was no doubt in my mind that I would do anything I could to use my pain for someone else's healing.

Between my family and friends, business owners and clients and now the news station, the nurses probably think to themselves, what did we get ourselves into with this new patient on our floor? The truth is, we are all working together to achieve the same goal and that is to kill cancer. They are far more educated than I am in regards to the medical ways of treating my cancer. I merely have my experience, thoughts and my voice to spread the word as to why it is important to become a registered bone marrow donor. So I use that voice and let people know just how EASY it is to get registered and make most out of each day God gives me here on Earth.

We all have different roles that God has given us based off of His own vision, and I want to make sure that I am keeping my eyes and ears open to any opportunities that can help to save someone's life. I am going to get a second chance at life because of my donor, and I want to spend the rest of my days paying it forward.
And that, my friends, is newsworthy...stay tuned.

​It's a strange feeling to watch my nurse hang a tiny bag of clear liquid, dripping from the top of my IV pole into a machine that carefully pushes the toxic chemical through the clear tube that leads straight into my heart. Chemotherapy is my new addition to this long journey to kill cancer. Lucky me, I am given two types of chemo to kill off my entire immune system, my cancerous bone marrow and to make clear for my donor's stem cells. I can't feel it being pumped into my heart, but I am prepped myself, knowing that it's going to kick my ass in the next day or two.  Its effects will continue to do so, until the lack of an immune system will overpower it and take over with nausea, fatigue, mouth sores, esophagus and stomach sores, fever, headache, and the list goes on. Sounds like a vacation in paradise.

I have agonized over what I will feel like, how I will tolerate this state of misery, to no end. I am not quite sure how one prepares to feel like total crap. Typically, I like to think of the worst possible situation and when the worst comes, it won't seem that bad, but I have a funny feeling that the worst might be...worse.

This is my life, though. This is my fight. I have cried today watching the first few drops of chemo find its way into my heart. I have watched my family witness the same thing. I do not want to die. I love them. I love my son. I love living life with all of my heart and soul and, as God as my witness, I want to continue to do so. One step at a time. One minute at a time, if need be. There is literally no turning back now and I have to stay strong.
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I am a fighter.

​Well folks, I have made it.  I am checked in and registered as an official Bone Marrow Transplant patient after ten long years of waiting and fighting for a cure.  Thanks to my sister, Jason, my son and parents, I have packed up and relocated to Karmanos Cancer Center in hopes of a cure.  As I sit here with the Tigers game on TV, typing my first post from my new room, my son is sitting next to me watching something on his tablet, with his headphones on, laughing out loud and making me smile.  Thanks to him, I know that I can smile even in a place that makes me feel out of place and uncomfortable.  He always makes me smile and that is just one of the many reasons why God has blessed me with him.

I can't describe the thoughts that are racing through my head.  Part of me is still me, happy, positive and optimistic in the present moment.  I am making friends with the staff, the nurses, and making this feel as much like a stay-cation as I possibly can.  Then, like commercial breaks, I get a hard reality check and I am reminded that the next days, weeks, and even months, will be the toughest challenge that I have ever faced in my entire life.  I think of how the chemo that begins tomorrow, will impact my body physically.  I am not sure how one prepares to feel broken, weak, nauseous, fatigued, and all around sick.  I don't know how that feels.  I have been living with cancer for over ten years and I can safely say that I have pushed myself through times when I should have been down, but just kept going.  I refused to stop and have taken that mindset every single day of this journey.  I am still doubtful, perhaps ignorant, to the thought of slowing down and becoming a "patient."  However, I am pretty sure that the two kinds of chemotherapy I will be given combined with completely destroying my immune system, will leave me with little to no choice of moving at lightening speed; Tara speed.
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So we will see what the days to come will reveal.  I have taken my first set of medications tonight...liver protector, anti-seizure meds, blah, blah, blah.  Of course, I have requested a print out of each of the medications I am taking in, since I am still me; control freak by nature.  I will keep moving forward, taking one day at a time and, if needed, one hour at a time if that is all I can handle that day.  I have checked in and won't be checking out for a while, but when I do, I will be doing so, cancer-free.  I am ready to do this and there is no turning back.  Losing is not an option, that's what I keep telling myself.  Cancer, you have met your match...GAME ON.

​"First and foremost, I would like to thank God." I know, I know, it seems as though every thank you speech from the Oscars to the Billboard Music Awards, start with that line. Well, same goes for a bone marrow transplant patient who just won the gift of life, who through God, has hope and those around her share that same hope in her survival and cure.

I want to dedicate this post, and say, " THANK YOU." I am blessed with, literally, hundreds of people in my life from family to old and new friends, to coworkers and church family, who have gone above and beyond the call of duty for me. Anyone that knows me knows that I believe I can do it all...myself. I like to think I have some crazy, super power that allows me to continue to fill up my bucket with things to do no matter how much time and effort it takes, and successfully get the job done. Like I say losing is NOT an option.

Well, cancer has become my kryptonite. I realized very quickly that I can't do it alone and, so as hard as it was, I asked for a little help. I soon found out that my enormous network of family and friends share my motto, "GO BIG or GO HOME!!!" And they all went HUGE! I am talking, off the Richter scale, out of control, over the top, coming to my side in my time of need HUGE. They have helped to carry the heavy crosses that have broken me down in ways I could never even begin to describe, physically, emotional, spiritually and mentally.

First and foremost, my family makes me believe that there is a reason why I have survived years passed the point when the doctors thought I would die. They are also the ones who feel the deepest pain and agony because they have walked with me through this long journey from day one. Every day when I wake up I think of cancer. I think of my fears, my desperate hope to live and guess what? They do too. I know deep down inside of my heart, my dad would take this cancer that is killing me, trade places with me without ANY hesitation. He is my protector and has been for almost 34 years. NOTHING has changed about that. My mom, my sister and my son are my biggest cheerleaders and love me more than anything. They are ready, all of them playing a different role in this battle, to help see my way to a cure. It's like we are playing in the Super Bowl of life and each one of us are on Team Tara. We have different positions due to our strengths, but can't win without any one player.

THANK YOU to ALL of my friends. I never thought one person could have so many friends. Many of them I know through work and networking. My job is to meet strangers EVERY day and I love it. I have a passion for meeting people and building relationships with hundreds and possibly thousands of people in the years that I have been in ad sales. I have friends from my school days, college and into my adult life, church; the list goes on and on. I want to take this opportunity to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to each and every one of you. I have literally received countless cards, monetary donations, checks and cash, all for the medical bills that will be piling up. There have been so many emails, texts letters, post-it notes, and so much more. I want all of you to know that I've received each dollar and every check; I have read every card and saw each name on all of the personal checks that I have deposited into the Tara Revyn Bone Marrow Fund. Nothing has gone unnoticed and everything has been appreciated so much. THANK YOU.

Thank you to Nico and Fishbones in St. Clair Shores, Mike Davis, Paul Shamo and the Bumpers Crew, The 2 Ali's at Ollie's Cuisine and my sister Dawn Revyn; you all threw parties that I will never forget and replay in my head through the difficult days coming up at Karmanos. Comcast Spotlight family, I never thought my name would be on the Tiger's Scoreboard. WOW. I love sports and that was by far the sweetest scoreboard I've ever seen. Thank you for all of the donations from all of the employees, the well wishes lunch, the iPad and the Revving it up for Revyn bracelets. I love them. My management, Lynn, Steve, Teresa, Roland and EVERYONE; I am so grateful to have you all in my life. I love what I do, I love my job and I cannot express the peace of mind that I now have to know that my work is appreciated. I love what I do and I am passionate about my clients. Your support to me is monumental. Thank you to R.J. King, Nick Martines, staff at DBuisness and HOUR magazine, and Greg at Allied Printing Company for the awesome business cards you created for me, The Marrow Movement, Tara Revyn, Founder and Blogger. I can't wait to pass them out to my visitors when they come see me. Jodi and Mike thank you for the cool Tiger's colors Team Tara bands and heading up what has turned out to be quite the sales project! Orders are coming in from out of state!!!!!! Team Tara is growing by the seconds and I am so HAPPY! Shannon, you were the FIRST to honor Team Tara with creating my very own custom shirt! I love you, Shamrock! Gary and Lisa Anitrini, you two really outdid yourselves by raising so much money at your offices. I was floored when I opened the cards and envelopes. There are truly so many people, Gina, Jodi, family members and more who not only donated at my parties, but also took it upon themselves to raise money in their own offices. I am so lucky and blessed to have your support.

Please, and I mean this in the VERY MOST SINCERE WAY, I have seen every single donation, text, email, letter, card and the hundreds of Facebook posts and messages, and I am honored and humbled to know each and every one of you. Some were complete strangers. You are now on Team Tara! I can't do this alone and I have proof that God is watching out for me because he has sent hundreds of angels to see me through. I feel the intense love around me, whether you are near or far, and it is the best prescription to survive this fight.
This is what, "Love Living Life" means. Faith, Hope, Love, but the greatest of the three is LOVE and I am taking it ALL with me to Karmanos.
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With all of my love and appreciation,
Tara

I am sitting in the Dresner Family Clinic waiting room at Karmanos Cancer Center for my last doctor’s appointment before I register here for my long stay. I remember coming here for the first time, feeling like I didn't belong, partly because I was in denial that I really did need a bone marrow transplant. For years I felt like I was invincible of sorts and that if I just remained positive and kept on praying I would never be a transplant patient; but I am. I sit here now with my short hair, surrounded by other transplant patients. Some patients are very sick. Some have severe GVHD (graft versus host disease) and they are here because they are enduring complications that range from infections to low blood levels to other adversities that are a result of what I am about to go through, bone marrow transplantation. It scares me. It really scares me.
I wait, with my iPad (thank you Comcast Spotlight family!) and my headphones, listening to "Stand" by Rascal Flatts, which is my theme song. "You feel like a candle in a hurricane...when push comes to shove you taste what you're made of...you get mad, you strong...then you stand." I love this song. I know I might find myself bent, broken, tired, and mad, but if I continue to stand, I can continue to fight. If I give up, I have no chance, period.
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I write because it helps me sort through the mess in my head. I write because it helps me discover who I really am inside when the days become filled with chaos and craziness. The fact that I have so many people out there reading this and cheering me on through messages, thoughts, prayers and more, helps me tremendously. I do not know what I would do without all of you; each and every person is important to me.
So back to the waiting room, what's taking so long?! Funny how I've waited ten years to sit here and I am now wondering what's taking so long for my very last office visit. That's okay. I will enjoy this last wait. Good things come to those who wait, so I will wait as long as it takes.

I am sitting in the Dresner Family Clinic waiting room at Karmanos Cancer Center for my last doctor’s appointment before I register here for my long stay. I remember coming here for the first time, feeling like I didn't belong, partly because I was in denial that I really did need a bone marrow transplant. For years, I felt like I was invincible of sorts and that if I just remained positive and kept on praying I would never be a transplant patient; but I am. I sit here now with my short hair, surrounded by other transplant patients. Some patients are very sick, some have severe GVHD (graft versus host disease) and they are here because they are enduring complications that range from infections to low blood levels to other adversities that are a result of what I am about to go through, bone marrow transplantation. It scares me. It really scares me.
I wait, with my iPad (thank you Comcast Spotlight family!) and my headphones, listening to "Stand" by Rascal Flatts, which is my theme song. "You feel like a candle in a hurricane...when push comes to shove you taste what you're made of...you get mad, you strong...then you stand." I love this song. I know I might find myself bent, broken, tired, and mad, but if I continue to stand, I can continue to fight. If I give up, I have no chance, period.
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I write because it helps me sort through the mess in my head. I write because it helps me discover who I really am inside when the days become filled with chaos and craziness. The fact that I have so many people out there reading this and cheering me on through messages, thoughts, prayers and more, helps me tremendously. I do not know what I would do without all of you; each and every person is important to me.
So back to the waiting room, what's taking so long?! Funny how I've waited ten years to sit here and I am now wondering what's taking so long for my very last office visit. That's okay. I will enjoy this last wait. Good things come to those who wait, so I will wait as long as it takes.